What keeps you writing? What gets you started?

I know that right now I should be using my time to work towards finishing the book I would like to publish but when I think about it, I feel demotivated. And I'm not sure why. I know that there are people out there who would be interested in reading the book and I kind of have the whole story in my head. I also don't have any problems with typing up things: as you see, I have just written this blog post. So why can't I get myself to write on the book? Maybe because parts of it make me sad? Maybe because I'm afraid that I wouldn't find a publisher?
Why do I even stick to writing?

If you are a writer: How do you get yourself writing?
What get's you started? Do you only write when you are motivated or do you force yourself to write?
How do you treat stories that need to be written but make you sad?

The unnoticed/ignored artist

Sometimes I wonder why I continue writing after so many disappointments. It's not that my writing is really bad, I enjoy writing. But let me tell you about one experience:

One of my poems had won a poetry contest and of course I was really happy about it. I had not expected it at all, esp. not to get first place. I told a few people - but they did not care. Not one of them asked to read the poem, not one asked any further questions.

I guess, it would have just meant a lot to me to get some feedback and support from people around me. When you tell other people about what you do and no one cares, then you sooner or later start to feel like there's no point in it at all.

I guess the problem is that I simply don't have any true friend who would support me in some way. I remember that when I was a teenager, a friend of mine always wanted me to read my stories to her. It was nice. I did not get any money, it was an audience of one person - but that meant the world to me. To have someone sitting with me, listening to my stories, asking for more. I wish I could travel back in time. No price in the world can be a substitute for one interested friend.

What I would like to achieve as artist

Even though I have always seen myself as a writer, I never really made my goals clear - also not to myself. I simply wrote, dreaming of being published one day. Now, in a break between writing stuff I  for money and going to a class at a polytechnic, I find some time to think about this.
I have recently read Jermaine Jackson's book "You are not alone" in which he describes the life of his brother Michael through the eyes of a brother. He told a story about how Michael used to write his dream on the steamed mirror in the bathroom. From other sources (e.g. his own book Moonwalker, interviews etc) I also know that Michael always visualized his dreams coming true. And he dreamed big. He had his goals and he worked hard to make them come true. Again, I take my inspiration from Michael Jackson. 


But what are my dreams as an artist? Do I dare to dream big or am I too attached to "reality"? I think, it's time to leave the doubters and bullies behind - the ones who tell me I am not good at anything.
I dream of publishing a book next year. A book that will make it to the top of book lists. A book that will be number one and sell millions of copies all over the world. First in English speaking countries and then all over the rest of the world. I dream of well known people to come to me, asking to sign a copy of my book and I dream of being able to use the money I earn to live the way I would like to live. 
After the first book, which will be a fictional book, I would like to publish more books, which all should make their way into the Top10 of top seller lists. 


I would like people to be interested in my books, be moved by them, be inspired.


And I will dedicate every single book I write to Michael Jackson - because without him, I wouldn't even have made it through my childhood and teenage years.