When I walked into a local bookstore in the first week of March 2010, I had no idea that a purchase in that store would change my life in a very unexpected way. I wanted to buy another book by Terry Goodkind, so I went straight to the fantasy and science fiction area, my eyes fixed on the book shelves that were the home to the "Sword of Truth" books, but wait, was what that?
A book that should be in a different part of the bookstore had somehow found its way there. Maybe someone put it there because he or she was too lazy to walk it back to its rightful place or maybe destiny placed it there, knowing that I was coming, knowing that my life needed to change. The book was called "The Artist's Way", written by Julia Cameron. I liked the cover of the book, it showed the painting of a mountain with some birds flying at its side towards the front. I did not believe in self-help books for writers. I thought, either you are creative or you aren't. Either you write successfully or you don't. I had long ago given up on my own creative self because I strongly believed that I could never ever be a good artist. Something, however, made me pick up that book. I browsed through it and read one of the many quotes that are printed inside.
“Every time you don't follow your inner guidance,
you feel a loss of energy, loss of power,
a sense of spiritual deadness. - Shakti Gawain"
I had never heard of that person before but the words touched something inside me. I knew the spiritual deadness, but used to pretend it was not there. I left the bookstore with the "Artist's Way" in my bag.
Starting to write again was like a rebirth. I started the twelve week course (which the "Artist's Way" is) and eagerly did all the tasks, which included writing three morning pages every morning before you do anything else and going on a weekly Artist's Date (meaning that you - only you - do something for at least one hour each week to nurture your inner artist, e.g. going to an art gallery, take a mindful walk along a river etc.). Many changes happened in my life, many were challenging but now I think I am back on the right path - and hope that I will be strong enough to continue walking on it, even if my only support are my own dreams.
Two weeks after starting the course, I handed in my resignation after a confrontation with my boss. Pressure had been building up during the months before and what I learned from working with the book, helped me to see that the job I was doing was taking me nowhere but to a slowly growing and deepening depression. I admitted to myself that I was not doing what I really wanted to do, I had turned my back on my own destiny, I had put thick, dark clouds in front of the stars that were once shining so brightly. I had talked myself into not believing into myself and the people around me did not help much at all, maybe because many people are afraid of changes, afraid of the unknown and feel uncomfortable if someone they know breaks out of the ordinary life.
I broke free - and now I can see my stars again.
